5 May 1958
God damn the pain, inflicted on human beings! After this god damn fissure operation, I’m no longer so resigned to “the wonderful balance of nature”. Nature, the creative force, what have you, may have a wonderful balance, but, nature or this life force can be devastating, cruel, ruthless, pain inflicting and destructive. One can be as easily outraged by nature’s cruelty as by man’s cruelty. How and where did men learn hardness of heart and meanness? Not only from other men, but from this creative (?) force; this force that brought man forth into a world man was not equipped to deal with. Man has struggled through the ages trying to find an easier, a less painful way of life. Earthquake, tornado, monsoons have killed off his loved ones and left him destitute. Pain and illness have agonized in. On top of all this, always there are a bunch of holy rollers who have preached to him about the evils of man and the glory of God; told him pain was the will of the trumped-up God they imagined. What a lot of hogwash!!!
Nature, the creative force has a benevolent side – true, but if anyone thinks there is a sweet little old man sitting up in the sky on a pretty little blue cloud hearing their pitiful please – this is difficult to believe. Such cruelty and partiality to mankind comes from no sweet little bearded papa.
Surcease comes only from resting the secrets out of nature, using nature to the best good, observing, watching for creative, natural secrets – battling the battles of hunger, sickness, storm and quake, pain and agony, in order to make man’s lot on earth more bearable.
There have been many times during my life when I wondered whether life on earth was in some queer kind of hell humans were banished to. Then of course there are times when one feels healthy and comfortable, the day is fine, the world seems full of beauty and promise. Then – then one forgets the bad times the sad painful times, and life seems sweet and one forgets the misery, one is glad to be alive, and life seems sweet. So goes it. Storm and sunshine – and it isn’t all man, it’s frequently what we call natural phenomena – God – creative force that makes life topsy-turvy. Then was one has to fight this force, considerate one’s enemy and rest from it a better way of life.
Stormy oceans call for sturdy boats.
Earthquakes for earthquake proof houses.
Pain – for anesthetics.
Illness for cure.
Poverty for economic know-how.
But always calmly, always a hard struggle the fight against nature and one’s fellow man. A harsh cruel national environment natural environment makes harsh men. As much as the harsh home environment. Considering the struggle of existence at times, I’m amazed at the resilience, and strength which often rises in man to meet his difficulties and then knowledges you must try to acquire.
. . . And don’t let any so-and-so try to tell me all men’s troubles are self-made!! ‘T’aint so! Some of them are in some of them aren’t.