4 June 1958
Now, as I begin to feel better at times, with some desire to read during the long hours at home alone, I have turned to Blanche’s book on exporting. As she says, it is a noncontroversial subject.
Generally, I get so steamed up about general subjects of life in general, the factual material of her export book is something that requires concentrated thinking – it is a new field to me and one which requires good mental exertion. Result? I don’t get wound up. I learned something I did not know before. Also, it makes me realize how stupid I am about geography, other countries – many other related matters. It broadens my world and I’m grateful.
Blanche stopped in this afternoon and brought me a good world map which I asked her for. Heavy books and I just don’t go together for the present. The folded world map she brought me, I hope, will help clear up some of my dumbness about places. It is a map of the Northern and Southern Hemispheres compiled and drawn in the cartographic section of the National Geographic Society for the National Geographic magazine.
One thing this illness has pointed out to me is the fact that I skim over the surface like a water bug but never explore very deeply on many topics underneath the surface. As Blanche said recently, talking about Zell Canker in a comment about Zell’s personality: “She is a shallow person without much depth”
Well, in a lot of respects, that’s me, too. I’m so ignorant about so many things. I sometimes wonder what I ever did learn in school. Well, in my defense of my past ineptitude’s, I was so wrapped up with personal problems I went through most of my school years wrapped in emotional turmoil.
I wonder – will I ever stop getting emotional about a million and one gripes and ever gain a measure of sensible maturity?