2 October 1956
Something has been othering me since plunging into this “Export” deal with Blanche came up. I have not been able to put my finger on it. Unconsciously the trouble has been creeping to the surface. I realize, as I opened this notebook and glanced at my 9/30/56 notes this morning. I woke up with a more conscious answer to what troubled me: What makes me take hold of a new subject and become a “tense-driven” person? That is my trouble!
Since Blanche gave me her papers of instruction on exporting I have dived in head first – almost frantically cramming my head with the information – trying avariciously to absorb it – just like it was going to run away.
Actually, I haven’t had much fun lately. Instead, I have enclosed myself in the deepest privacy of my ivory tower, hardly giving any attention to the world about me.
The information won’t run away. I don’t have to learn it all in a week. No one is driving me with a “cat-o-nine-tails”! So why do I push myself so hard? Maybe – understanding the above – I can relax and not take it all so seriously.
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Blanche’s prediction: “With Kurt’s new outlooks (via Investments and Exporting viewpoints) he will come to people’s attention in an electrifying manner . . . . . .
